Attention

"ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES"

Weak Human Being Here

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I couldnt take it anymore, I totally lied, having no cable is stupid! I broke down this week and got my cable turned on. Faaaaaack.
Having no cable is sooo wrong! Last night I was reunited with Kevin Newman and the rest of the most rediculous newcasters I have ever seen on Global Vancouver. Now I can get my jollies laughing away at their newscasts and catch up on all the trash TV I have missed so dearly!

310-SHAW

Breaking up is hard to do

Dear Bud Light Lime

Im sorry, Im just not that into you anymore. It was fun while it lasted but you and I both know it wasnt going to last. Im sure you'll find someone else just great. Im running back to my ex, 5% Budweiser and I have had a long history and I need some comfort and familiarity right now. Good luck and all my best to you.

Sincerley,
SM

Simply De-Lish!

I cant remember where I read about this, but I have been on this kick all summer so far, that might explain my muffin top, but you HAVE TO TRY THIS!
Grill your avacodo halves on the BBQ. Just brush them with olive oil and sprinkle some salt and pepper on them. Grill both sides. Then just eat it out of the shell. ITS AMAZING, You are just gonna die, just DIE! MMMM
Last night I drizzled some citrus soy sauce on them and again I amaze myself!

Awful Library Books

So these 2 librarians down in the mid-west usa, decided that they have had enough with out of date and old rediculous "Awful Library Books". So they started this blog called "Awful Library Books". The real point of the blog was to create awarness for other librarians that librarys really need to be kept up to date, otherwise these old awful books are really just doing a diservice to the public. Besides awareness, this site has become a real hit for everyone, as I heard thier interview with Jian Ghomeshi, you seriously gotta look at these old titles, its too too funny...
AWFUL LIBRARY BOOKS HERE

i dig music

Cool new summer tunes from Kid Koala's The Slew you should download:

Its All Over
You Turn Me Cold

7 +1 days

8 days till Shambhlala. Got your costumes figured out yet?
www.americanapparel.net

Green Lawns

With the looming dry weather and low river levels, undoubtly Fernie is going to see some water restrictions. For the last month as I have been walking my dog around "Little Italy" here in downtown Fernie, I cant help but chuckle and roll my eyes at the older generations from mine that are so obsessed with having a perfect lawn. Im sure those generations sneer and chuckle at my people for our habits and obessions. But this perfect lawn thing is so fucking rediculous. Its something that they grew up with that was a measure of a persons worth in society, and having that perfect lawn indicated to the rest of the town how well-to-do and perfect that household seemed. Well, that idea and symbolic gesture somehow was thrown out the window with generation x and y and z. In fact, our generations adore and revere weeds, natural settings and organic gardens. What will the future hold when, no offence, this older population dies off? What will lawns become?
I know mine is only green if it rains and only cut to apease my landlord (and I dont weed wack, cuz I like weeds growing up the walls).
Everynight I look around and see all these spinklers running, litres and litres of water spilling over sidewalks and running down the street as the lawn is saturated.
Good job! Good thing your lawn looks so great! Is it worth it???? realllllly?
There is this one neighbour of mine, this old polish guy. Hes such an angry old man that hes face is permanently beet red. Hes always yelling at people and dogs. I have seen him re-paint his garage drive way jet black every summer. The guy is obessesd with perfection and he just looks soo goddamn miserable. I wish I could slap some relaxed sense into him before he has a stroke. His sprinklers are always on, hes always out there rearranging them and perfecting his lawn. Ahh what a waste of time! Beside the lawn is parked a monster motorhome - with a "for sale" sign on it. Is he selling the motorhome that would bring some fun and adventure into his old life just so he can stay home and manage his home's image? How incredibly sad.
The green lawn obession needs to die. Besides the pesticide problems that harm our health and dwindling clean drinking water problem, we need to think long and hard about this dinosaur behaviour. Bring on the weeds, dandelions and brown grass. Fuck it, spend your time living your life.

Ribs.

Did you know at Cincott Market, Thursday is Rib night? The Ribs are GIIINORMOUS and they are $2.75 each. you serisouly only need like 2 they are so big. Its a bonus the kick ass sauce is organic and the meat is chemical/hormone free. Im going back tonight with my bib.

On the Scene

The streets of Fernie are safe once again. This week I have seen the Fernie RCMP unit track down that cute old man on that motorized mountain bike that goes about 15km a hour and give him heck. I also saw a cop shake his finger at 2 old ladies. Whew!

meanwhile, behind extra foods...

TP for my Bumhole

Ok, I have a confession.

When I was in elementary school, Beavis and Butthead debuted. Everyone was doing the "Cornholio" impression. I immediatley picked up on it as it was certainly amazingly funny. I proudly marched the halls of Muriel Baxter doing my best Cornholio impressions and promptly answered my moms questions with "TP for my bumhole" - just to piss her off. But, even tho I mastered the Cornholio. I never actrually saw the episode. I didnt actrually know exactly what people were talking about. So, fast forward to present day. My sister gave me Beavis and Butthead, seasons 1-4 on DVD for my 28th birthday (we are like that). And last night, FINALLY I saw the episode "The Great Cornholio". ahhhhh now I see! And its still funny!
(Watch the episode here)

Interesting Fact: Beavis and Butthead were only in the 9th grade. Weird I thought there they were in grade 11 at least. If it debuted in 1993, Beavis and Butthead would be 31 this year. Oh dear where would they have ended up? Prolly working for RCR.

Catch on to the Pheenom

Gettin' Lively

How do you feel about a downtown Saturday market?
Some downtown business owners are envisioning a Saturday summer market on the street of 2nd ave. Closing the streets from CIBC to Fields, attracting vendors, buskers and music. Kim Stokie at Freshies is trying to get shit rolling, if you support this, and I certainly do, track her down and offer your support. This is something that we desperately need for downtown. BUT first... FIRST PLEASE GOD AND ALL PEOPLE WHO CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN... PLEASE PUT A FRIGGIN SIGN ON THE HIGHWAY DIRECTING PEOPLE DOWNTOWN, A SIGN SO GLORIOUS AND FRESH AND NEW THAT INSPIRES NEW COMERS TO CHECK OUT DOWNTOWN. OH GOD PLEASE!

Holla

Good Morning Calgary! I know you are watching! Stay classy.

Old Friends

Mason is in town. sweet.

Its All Good

I have had this song in my head for 3 days now! I can think if a few reasons why...

Remember this?

Its still really funny.

Going too far

I just heard this on CBC radio:
Processed food companies are planning to add a flavour smell to the packaging of thier processed food products. The cardboard, paper and plastic bags will soon smell like the food product they contain. For example, plastic bottle lids will smell like lemon to indicate and intice you to buy the water that is artificially flavored with lemon. These scents that are in the packaging also "infuse the food with more flavour". When you pick up a package of curry sauce, the bottle/label will reek of fake curry. Mac and Cheese, the box will smell like fake mac and cheese. Plus all these chemicals will be infusing into your food, for more flavour and more cancer.

I dont even know where to start with this rant. My head is going to explode.
The grocery store is not only going to require me to take an allergy pill, but I will also take a gas mask and shop soley in the ACTUAL FRESH PRODUCE ISLE.
fack.

He still had it.

Footage from Michaels last rehearsal...

Embedded video from CNN Video

Kids these days, good luck to 'em.

What the fuck is with this surge in unprofessionalism? What the fuck are they teaching kids in high school these days. I say forget the goddamn calculus and teach these little shits some life skills, like HOW TO GET A JOB. I have lost count this spring and summer of how many young kids have come in here asking for a job in dirty clothes or facebooking me for a job. Its out of control and to me, very very telling about the next generation that is coming up after mine.
Sorry to pull the ol' "Back in my day" shit, but... BACK IN MY DAY, finding a job was as annoying as it was degrading. BUT pounding the pavement in my dress pants at 14, 16, 18, 21, etc sure taught me the ways of "how it is and how it should be".
I meekly and shamefully marched into places of potential emplyment in nice clothes and with a resume ready to firmly shake a hand because thats what was shoved down my throat and I understood it was out of respect for my potential employer.
This spring I have now seen teenagers and 20 somethings walk in with messy clothes and blurt out, "are you hiring? oh ya eh, hmm, well, do you know anyone that is hiring? oh sure thanks, fine bye". Or I got a handful of Facebook messages, "hey what up can you give me and job, getting a job is sooo hard eh, Ill work for you".
WHAT!!!!!!!???????
Kids, please, listen here, this is how you get a job:
1. Put on something really nice, not a ball gown, but a nice oufit
2. Print off a steller resume and cover letter that is addressed to ME.
3. Have an older experienced job hunter look it over
4. Walk into a place, head high and look the manager in the face and say "I would love to work here, please take this resume, call me at your convienience"
5. Call a week later and follow up.

See, yes it takes some balls, but this small life step will prepare you for many many other things in life that you are going to need balls for, trust me.

The Fernie JobSeekers office is located across from the Vogue Theatre. They can help you with your resume, interviewing techniques and prepardness for FREE.

Awkward.

http://www.awkwardboners.com/

How Good Would This Be Today, If you could?

Vodka Rosemary Lemonade

The Channy version (keeps it simple)...

Ingrediants:
1/2 of a lemon juice
2 shots of vodka
1 teaspoon of sugar
small sprig of rosemary
Club soda to fill the glass
Directions:
Muddle the rosemary, lemon and sugar
transfer to cocktail glass
add lots of ice
fill with soda
garnish with rosemary sprig
apply sunscreen
sit back
enjoy

Had to share...

Reusable grocery bags

Reusable grocery bags might be better for the earth but more harmful to you

It was bound to happen - as more cities in North America plan to either ban plastic bags or charge customers for them at the very least, it seemed inevitable that the environmental parade would get rained on.

Sure enough, the Canadian Plastics Industry Association recently commissioned a study by two independent labs to examine the potential downside of the much-hyped reusable grocery bags. Their findings? Apparently 64 per cent of the environmentally-friendly bags tested contained some level of bacteria, ranging from yeast or mould to coliforms and fecal instestinal bacteria. Dr. Richard Summerbell, who evaluated the lab results says the reason for contamination is similar to the concept of bacteria being transferred to food from kitchen countertops and cutting boards - the more waterproof the bag is, the higher chance it has of becoming a breeding ground for bacteria.

"Something that's a plastic weave, it takes longer for the moisture level to drop down, and so you can get what microbiologists call a bio-film building up ... a population of bacteria and possibly some yeasts, or even in severe cases, mould growth as well," he said. "The main actual hazard involved is if there's a little bit of spillage in there from some meat or some eggs, then food-poisoning organisms could be transferred over to other food."
You'll notice that the study was conveniently commissioned by the plastics industry who undoubtedly have nothing to gain from freaking people out about their use of reusable grocery bags. Surely they're just looking out for the best interests of the consumer. Uh-huh.

The World Wildlife Fund has pointed out there is an obviously solution to the contaminated bag conundrum. "Wash the bags!".

Here's the thing, I jumped on this reusuable grocery bag bandwagon right away when it took off. But this is what has happened to me now: So I start collecting and buying these bags. I even recieve gifts in these bags and I have gained a couple more from my mom and friends accidently. I kid you not, I have about $50 worth of reusuable grocery bags sitting in my laundry room. I feel like they are gaining and gaining on me. I dont even know how it happened. I woke up one day and I was drowning in them, all in the name of saving the environment - BUT not saving my bank account. When I first started buying the reusuable ones I had A MASSIVE bag of plastic bags under my sink stockpiled to use as garbage bags in my kitchen and bathroom. But even tho I converted to the resusuable bags, eventrully I used up all those plastic bags over the last couple months and they all, yes, eventrully ended up in the landfill anyway. AND THEN. Once I ran out of them, I had to go buy some "Glad Kitchen Catchers" for my garbage - then those extra plastic bags end up in the landfill as well, plus i have spent $50 in reusuable bags. Was this bag thing just a conspiracy to boost the economy?? Fuck, I have a rediculous ammount of reusuable bags, and I somehow still keep finding more, friends come and go and leave theres behind. I cant even fucking give these things away. And I still gotta buy garbage bags. WTF! So, the last couple times I went grocery shopping I left the resusables at home and quietly told cashiers that "pssst, yes I need plastic bags" while not looking up to the dismay and judgement of the customers lined up behind me.
And no, im not paying $10 for bags from the Cottonwood Tree, C'mon!!

Fireworks

Congrats to the City of Fernie! The Fireworks and entertainment at this years Canada festivities were so good! Nothing but cheers and smiles all day!