Tuesday, February 10, 2009

When Its Gotta Be Done



My roommate and I were howling at the idea: Should we ask her boyfriend to pick us up some tampons from the store?? Ahahha No Way! He’d never!
Poor men, they are just so damn uncomfortable in those moments. They get so embarrassed by life’s necessities. Granted I still awkwardly hid my tampax among my loaf of bread and chips ahoy, and yes I refuse to shop for such products at Overwaitea, I will admit I only buy embarrassing products from Extra Foods. I guess for some reason I just never run into people I know there.

The 10 Most Embarrassing Products A Man Can Buy
10 - Tampax
This is an obvious one, and probably the most common, so we’ll get it out of the way here. It’s also, probably, the most absurd item on the list. Having a girlfriend or wife who menstruates once a month is hardly a “skeleton in the closet”, so what’s the big deal? But gold stars for the men that do buy them!

9 - Womens Underwear
Men in lingerie stores will try to make it AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE that they are shopping for their wives or girlfriends. The second a man walks into a lingerie store, he’s dead certain someone in the office is calling the police to report a crazy pervert transvestite.

8 - Romantic Reading/Movies
“Chick lit” for the missus, guys don’t want to look like they’re fans of Zack Ephron, celeb gossip magazines or Bridget Jones’s Diary. The same goes for renting a movie like Steel Magnolias or Sex and the City. Make sure to put on a sour face, and the clerk is sure to know you’re renting against your will.

7 - Pregnancy Tests
Buying a pregnancy test isn’t always embarrassing. If you’re confident in the knowledge that you do practice safe sex, or if you’re trying to have a baby, you can walk in and out with your head held high. When you know that you made a mistake, though, buying a pregnancy test can feel a little bit like going to face the firing squad. Ahhh that sux!

6 - Adult XXX Videos
This would be a little bit higher up on the list, but then there’s the old trick of renting a couple of normal movies and sandwiching the dirty one in between. The clerk won’t even notice Lust in Space sitting between Star Wars and Blade Runner!Besides, it’s returning the movie after you’ve watched it that’s really embarrassing. EW!

4 - “Don’t Get The Wrong Idea” Combinations
We won’t go into too much detail here, but as a general rule, unlike fast food, certain combos are not good. So, men try to avoid buying combos like Kleenex and hand lotion , or baby oil and cucumbers at the same time.

5 - One Roll of Toilet Paper
This can happen to men and women alike, but come on, who’s more likely to run out of toilet paper at the absolute worst moment possible? When you’re only buying one roll, you’re sending out a clear message “I need this right now!” A close runner up would have to be buying a toilet plunger while dancing from foot to foot.

3 - Extra Large Condoms
There’s nothing shameful at all about practicing safe sex, but buying extra large condoms and announcing your unique anatomy to the cashier, especially if you have to ask an attractive young lady if they stock “something a little bigger” can cause quite a bit of blushing and uncomfortable silence. I would LOVE TO SEE THIS!!! Bahahahhaha

2 - Extra Small Condoms
Bet you were wondering how large condoms only ranked number three, weren’t you? Bonus points for number 3 and number 2 if you walk right back into the same store an hour later for a pack of cigarettes.

1 - Embarrassing Medication
This one has got to be the worst. Men aren't too embarrassed when they’re buying dandruff medication or athlete’s foot powder, but std medication, hemorrhoid cream, jock itch powder, and in fact, just about anything applied below the waist and above the knees, men are likely to drive to Sparwood to pick it up, just to make sure that they never, ever see the pharmacy clerk ever, ever again. Or wear an elaborate disguise!! Why are those sales assistants always female?

Thinking about this annoying part of life that plagues men and women, got me thinking, does the cashier really notice and judge? Do they quietly giggle at your purchases or do they keep it professional?
Well I asked a couple past Overwaitea cashiers this question and a resounding response was YES THEY JUDGE AND EVEN TALK ABOUT IT WITH OTHER EMPLOYEES!!!
This is too good! I knew it, I would do it too!

The best stories I got:
Mason Prouse: He said the weirdest checkout he ever had was from an older dodgy “crack whore” who came in and purchased a pregnancy test and a pack of Imodium.
Anonymous: His basket is still legendary as being the most embarrassing purchase ever. *Plunger *Lube *Condoms *Entertainment Weekly. The cashier even broke the golden rule by saying "I'm not even going to ASK what you have planned tonight."
Anonymous On-looker: “While waiting in the grocery store checkout line, the male half of the couple behind me suffered perhaps the ultimate indignity. I overheard the woman remark that she "forgot to get a douche...", and the man was dispatched to procure the item while she remained in line. To add insult to injury, upon his return, she berated him for grabbing the wrong brand. The poor SOB had to make a second trip to the aisle-where-men-fear-to-tred”

The best advice from cashiers is to shop for embarrassing things when they are busy, if they are busy they might not notice or really care.



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